Fashionable, F*ckable, Friday!

I know I said that I was temporarily putting a hold on Fashionable Fridays due to the fact that I am no longer fashionable, but here is one more for you!

I show you how to wear the traditional Panamanian dress... the pollera (true Panamanian fashion... of about 100 years ago..):

Step one: (Well, it's not actually a dress, it's in three parts: a white underskirt, the shirt, and the overskirt.) Step one would be to put them on.. duh:

Step two: put on loads of gold jewelry.

Step three: Cover your entire head with large, antler-shaped beaded flowers attached to pointy sticks that you stick into your hair (the more it hurts, the better you look!):

I wasn't joking when I said COVER, folks.. 

Step four: pose for some supercute (or "super pritti" as they say here) photos (yes, this is an actual step in wearing the dress. Ask any 13 year old Panamanian girl):

Note the photo on the wall of the girl who actually owns the dress doing the exact same thing as me.. :P

Step five: learn a traditional Panamanian dance. You can't wear the dress if you don't know the dance!!

Optional Step six: bump and grind, dance like an "American" and don't forget to GET DOWN. You're wearing a traditional outfit respected by an entire country-- why WOULDN'T you taint the experience by dancing to hip hop and making a thizz face?

 As I've said a million times, and I'll say a million times more, I am classy, ladies and gentlemen.