The other night I went over to my (PLATONIC) friend's house, we'll call him B, around midnight and the following text conversation between my roommate and I ensued:
ROOMMATE: Where are you? Should I be concerned?
ME: haha no why would you be concerned?
RM: Cuz you just randomly disappeared at midnight! Where are you?
Me, to B: haha, my roommate is totally freakin out that I left so late... what should I say?
B: we should tell her that you're lost somewhere....
ME (to roommate): I'd dead somewhere.
RM: Seriously?! B just spotted you on the side of the street apparently
ME: haha his idea
RM: so... booty call?
ME: Dude, get back to studying.
RM: OH MY GOD IF IM STILL AWAKE WHEN YOU DO THE WALK OF SHAME HOME I WANT ALL THE DETAILS OF HOW THIS EVEN HAPPENED?!???!?!?!!!!
ME: haha nah dude, I'm just messing with you! Nothing is happening... we're watching a movie
RM: A movie, huh?.... I bet you won't even be able to tell me what happened in it after its over... :) smooch smoooooch smooch
ME: Oh. My. God. We aren't even sitting on the same couch.
RM: Whatever you say. I won't judge, Loni. You're a woman. You have raging hormones sometimes. Do what you gotta do. I support you.
ME: You are my favorite person ever.
RM: OKAY BYE JUST USE A GODDAMN CONDOM. trying to get through one quarter of not having to deal with roommate pregnancy scares. Kthxbye.
ME: No respect.
Sad thing is, I'm totally looking at B differently now after this conversation...